They Called it Macaroni...
Last night, the Warriors returned home to Oakland Arena. More important than the home court advantage they might gain against the visiting Dallas Mavericks was the fact that Lepper would actually get off his lazy ass to attend the game and then proceed to write words about it. Happy day!
All was well for the Warriors. Inspired by their favorite beat writer's presence, they took it to the Mavericks, owners of the 3rd best record in the NBA. Indeed a "feather in their cap", as our good buddy calls it.
"Chalk it up to another one of those unexplainable mysteries of nature. Whenever the Mavericks line up on the other side of the court, some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic."
I prefer to chalk things up to, you know, things that happen on the court. It's a basketball game, not a bloody solar eclipse. 22 assists on 37 field goals is probably a good place to start, as is +7 on the boards. Or you could read L.Ron Hubbard's views on the matter; whatever. As for the last sentence: imagine I said "that circle is not that circular." Wouldn't you think I was slightly retarded? Yet Lepper thinks he should be paid to write things like "some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic." Maybe he meant "evident". Or maybe he was just being ironical.
"That trio [Ike Diogu, Monta Ellis and Jason Richardson] combined to score 24 of the Warriors' 32 points as they pulled away in the fourth quarter, eventually opening up a 17-point lead before coasting home before 17,527 at the Arena and a presumably shocked ESPN audience."
Geoff REALLY wants you to think this game is as important as he does. As I was watching the game on ESPN, I was not shocked. I was actually giddy thinking about Lepper's column the next day and the outlandish shit it would contain. Needless to say, I am not disappointed.
Here's a little story arc for you:
"That was a pivotal outcome (referring to Diogu's offensive performance), because data parsed by 82games.com show that the Warriors are hurt most often by opposing power forwards; on a leaguewide basis, they rank 24th in defending that position. Those numbers won't be helped by Dirk Nowitzki's performance Wednesday: game-high 29 points, 10 rebounds and four assists."
Good, so, since defense wasn't really a factor tonight, you're not going to talk about it, right?
"Before the game, Murphy wouldn't directly address how he thought his defense had been this season but did say that he wasn't satisfied with that area of his game"
Guess I was wrong. However, Murphy must have played solid D at SOME point in the season, right?
"Jason Richardson recalled a February stretch when Murphy held San Antonio's Tim Duncan, Minnesota's Kevin Garnett and Denver's Kenyon Martin to a combined 45 points in three straight games."
See, I knew it; wouldn't expect anything less from that ugly Irish bastard. Now, Geoff, let's tie it all together by telling us how Murphy buckling down on premier power forwards relates to THIS game.
"Wednesday, it soon became clear the perennial All-Star was just too fast on the perimeter. Time and again, Nowitzki beat Murphy with his first step, leading to 15 first-quarter points and an early Dallas lead."
Geoff? Where'd you go, buddy? Remember when we were going to make the article make sense?
"But eventually, Diogu and Murphy made Dallas pay at the other end, shredding the supposedly new-and-improved defense of Nowitzki for a combined 38 points and proving that sometimes, the best defense really is a good offense."
Oh, no Geoff. Not only did you fail to reveal any purpose for discussing Murphy's D or that little 3-game stretch anecdote, you decided to attempt to redeem yourself with a horrible, horrible cliche.
"'There's not many teams you can't beat, if you have that type of presence in the frontcourt.'
Maybe even some of the ones that aren't from Dallas. "
Speaking of cliches, you know that one about making a good first impression? It's bullshit; it is infinitely more important to leave on a good note. Perhaps Lepper should think about that while drafting his incredibly awkward and vomit-inducing one line conclusions.
All was well for the Warriors. Inspired by their favorite beat writer's presence, they took it to the Mavericks, owners of the 3rd best record in the NBA. Indeed a "feather in their cap", as our good buddy calls it.
"Chalk it up to another one of those unexplainable mysteries of nature. Whenever the Mavericks line up on the other side of the court, some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic."
I prefer to chalk things up to, you know, things that happen on the court. It's a basketball game, not a bloody solar eclipse. 22 assists on 37 field goals is probably a good place to start, as is +7 on the boards. Or you could read L.Ron Hubbard's views on the matter; whatever. As for the last sentence: imagine I said "that circle is not that circular." Wouldn't you think I was slightly retarded? Yet Lepper thinks he should be paid to write things like "some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic." Maybe he meant "evident". Or maybe he was just being ironical.
"That trio [Ike Diogu, Monta Ellis and Jason Richardson] combined to score 24 of the Warriors' 32 points as they pulled away in the fourth quarter, eventually opening up a 17-point lead before coasting home before 17,527 at the Arena and a presumably shocked ESPN audience."
Geoff REALLY wants you to think this game is as important as he does. As I was watching the game on ESPN, I was not shocked. I was actually giddy thinking about Lepper's column the next day and the outlandish shit it would contain. Needless to say, I am not disappointed.
Here's a little story arc for you:
"That was a pivotal outcome (referring to Diogu's offensive performance), because data parsed by 82games.com show that the Warriors are hurt most often by opposing power forwards; on a leaguewide basis, they rank 24th in defending that position. Those numbers won't be helped by Dirk Nowitzki's performance Wednesday: game-high 29 points, 10 rebounds and four assists."
Good, so, since defense wasn't really a factor tonight, you're not going to talk about it, right?
"Before the game, Murphy wouldn't directly address how he thought his defense had been this season but did say that he wasn't satisfied with that area of his game"
Guess I was wrong. However, Murphy must have played solid D at SOME point in the season, right?
"Jason Richardson recalled a February stretch when Murphy held San Antonio's Tim Duncan, Minnesota's Kevin Garnett and Denver's Kenyon Martin to a combined 45 points in three straight games."
See, I knew it; wouldn't expect anything less from that ugly Irish bastard. Now, Geoff, let's tie it all together by telling us how Murphy buckling down on premier power forwards relates to THIS game.
"Wednesday, it soon became clear the perennial All-Star was just too fast on the perimeter. Time and again, Nowitzki beat Murphy with his first step, leading to 15 first-quarter points and an early Dallas lead."
Geoff? Where'd you go, buddy? Remember when we were going to make the article make sense?
"But eventually, Diogu and Murphy made Dallas pay at the other end, shredding the supposedly new-and-improved defense of Nowitzki for a combined 38 points and proving that sometimes, the best defense really is a good offense."
Oh, no Geoff. Not only did you fail to reveal any purpose for discussing Murphy's D or that little 3-game stretch anecdote, you decided to attempt to redeem yourself with a horrible, horrible cliche.
"'There's not many teams you can't beat, if you have that type of presence in the frontcourt.'
Maybe even some of the ones that aren't from Dallas. "
Speaking of cliches, you know that one about making a good first impression? It's bullshit; it is infinitely more important to leave on a good note. Perhaps Lepper should think about that while drafting his incredibly awkward and vomit-inducing one line conclusions.
posted by Sam at 9:08 PM
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