It's Been a Hell of a Run

It is fitting that, on the final game of the season, the Warriors' 4-game winning streak was snapped, simultaneously ruining their perfect record since the site's inception. Even more fitting was that Lepper's man-crush Monta Ellis missed a pretty good look to tie with 2 seconds left, spoiling what had been a great game (featuring a career-high 27 points) for the rookie out of high school. At least Ellis can know he was beaten by a superior rookie point guard, as Deron Williams scored 12 points and dished 13 dimes in just 24 minutes.

So this is how the NBA season will end for the Warriors: losing a heartbreaker, alone in a strange city without their favorite beat writer to guide them along the path to solace. And that is how it will end for all of us. The playoffs will be meaningless without Geoff's inane ramblings. I mean, following the Warriors in order to point out the multitude of errors in Lepper's "articles" is one thing, but who wants to follow the A's? It's been a whirlwind week, friends...we have grown a loyal readership in a short time and even enjoyed some short-lived fame after being linked from the Warriors' fan blog. Had we emerged on the scene earlier, perhaps we could have worked some Calbert Cheaney jokes into the mix, but now is not the time for regrets. I am beginning to tear up, so I will let Mel Brooks as Yogurt take us home:

"Who knows. God willing we'll all meet again in Spaceballs II: The Search for More Money."

Writer Believes What he is Told, Refuses to Formulate Own Opinion

(scene: Atlantic Coast, early 1700's)
Lepper: Hey, what are you doing there buddy?
Slave Trader: Oh, just bringing these poor Africans over to our nice little land here. They were all poor and naked in Africa, so I figured "why not bring them over here and give them jobs on our farms?"
Lepper: I see. But what's with the chains and shackles?
Slave Trader (nervously looking around, grinding teeth): Umm, uh, well, it was their first time on a ship, and they were scared and got pretty restless. We put the chains on so they wouldn't hurt themselves.
Lepper: Well, that was mighty kind of you, sir!

A more recent example:

(Scene: Detroit Pistons press conference, June 24th, 2005)
Lepper: Coach Brown, Coach Brown! What do you say to all the rumors regarding you becoming the new coach of the New York Knicks?
Brown: How'd you get in here?
Lepper (displaying press pass): I write for the Oakland Tribune.
Brown (snickering): Oh, OK. Well, then, the answer is "No." I doubt I'll be coaching at all next year, with my health and all. It's too late in the game for me to be starting over somewhere else.
Lepper: Great, thanks Coach!

Some things never change. Now that Warriors executive vice-president Chris Mullin has said that he will not blow up the team, apparently we should take him at his word.

Golden State's brain trust has no problem standing pat with its current crop of players and expecting them to provide more consistency under the direction of Mike Montgomery — who, instead of being fired or bought out as many pundits had predicted, will become the first Warriors coach to reach a third season since Don Nelson.

That sounds dangerously like a "vote of confidence" to me. Also, "many pundits"? A more accurate statement of the case would be, "myself, along with a few other shitty writers who couldn't think of anything based on fact to write about." Is that NC State job still open?

Despite obvious flaws on defense and an offense that often sputtered without the presence of star point guard Baron Davis — who will miss 28 of 82 games by the time it's all said and done Wednesday night — the Warriors seem happy to follow the lead of President Bush and stay the course.

If President Bush is any sort of comparison, I think we know how the '06-'07 season will turn out.

"I know I don't feel like they lack talent. Now how that talent plays together and wins together is my job to fix, because this year did not go the way I wanted it to. That's on me. There's nowhere else to look but right here. And that will be addressed right here."

How does this not sound like a man who is going to do some serious tinkering with his personnel? If you're not going to put chemistry on the coach or players, then where? Does Mullin have a two-week gay cruise planned for the off-season to bring the guys together? If so, Lepper calls cabana boy for Monta Ellis and Ike Diogu (whom he somehow goes an entire "article" without mentioning)!!!

"Finally, I'd like to thank firegeofflepper.blogspot.com," remarked a teary-eyed Mullin, "for their tireless work to rid all of us of this annoyance, not to mention our unblemished record since they started their great project."

Alright, I made that up. But we should get a fucking medal for our service to this franchise.

Talk About Your Worthless Gestures

How does Warriors star Jason Richardson solemnly give thanks for his good fortune after a year in which he pulled in just under $9 million to play for the perennial cellar-dwellers this year? I'm like you, I thought by giving a bunch of money to a deserving charity. Again, I was wrong. Instead he spends some large amount of money taking out full-page ads in local papers to simultaneously thank and apologize to the fans. However, we don't know exactly how much, as Inspector Lepper never really nailed it down.

Monday, he gave some $50,000 or more back in a show of appreciation to Golden State's fan base....
Rowell wouldn't specify exactly how much the ads cost, although he did say it was "over $100,000," split between Richardson and the team.

What the fuck is stopping you from asking newspapers in the area how much their ad space costs per page? Or asking your own paper and then making some sort of educated guess based on that figure? Lepper's refusal to do any actual work in connection with his "articles" is appalling. Speaking of which, Golden State's last game of the year is in Utah on Wednesday. Want to take a shot at guessing who won't be there?

Several of the Warriors didn't know anything about the ad they had signed, but Rowell thought that was by Richardson's design.
"That's kind of Jason's style," Rowell said. "As a captain of the team, he's representing all his guys. That's what a good leader does, pulls everyone up with them, and that's Jason. That's been Jason ever since he's been in a Warrior uniform."

No, it's not. It's doing something unilaterally and then taking all the credit for it, tricking dumb writers into thinking you did something classy and nice. I was as shocked as you were, dear reader, to learn that Lepper took the bait.

Again, seriously, plenty of charities out there. Fifty large could have made a difference.

Listen, I Realize the Season is Almost Over and all...

Why does Geoff hate good reporting? I swear, by this point, it appears that he knows what should be written and defiantly refuses. To wit, a sentence from my game notes: "If Jason Richardson is not the lead tomorrow, Lepper has taken this thing to a whole new level." I honestly did not think it was possible to fuck this story up. I was wrong. Let's review: Richardson scored 27 points on a not-horrible 11-24 from the field and added 9 rebounds, 5 assists and 2 steals in 42 minutes. Simply put, the man was all over the floor and would not let his team lose (I think I'm becoming Lepper with all these cliches). So, not only does our hero lead with his slurp-fest on the two rookies (whom, admittedly, both had solid games), he doesn't even mention Richardson until the 11th paragraph (!!!). Granted, his paragraphs are really tiny, but still. Not only that, check this out:

-but also more subtle items that are absent from your morning boxscore. Like the time Ellis deflected a Phoenix pass right to Jason Richardson but received credit for neither a steal or an assist on Richardson's one-on-nothing dunk. Or when Diogu set a solid screen to halt the pesky Shawn Marion in his tracks, creating a wide-open 3-pointer for Richardson, who drained it for part of his team-high 27 points.

He only mentions Richardson in passing to continue his verbal blowjobs of Ellis and Diogu! Several theories come into play here: 1) yet another shitty Warriors season is wrapping up, let's concentrate on the future, i.e. these two promising rookies; 2) Richardson has either ass-fucked someone in Lepper's immediate family and neglected to ever call again or stolen a girl from Lepper; and 3) Since Ellis and Diogu are rookies, they are naive and don't know which reporters are worth talking to and which aren't, so they give Lepper pretty good quotes, while Richardson just stares past him like he doesn't exist, which he may as well not. Out of these theories, only the first makes sense, so I'm going with the latter two.

Since Geoff desperately wants to talk about Monta and Ike, I guess we can indulge him.

The list of great big man-small man combinations in the Warriors' West Coast history can comfortably fit on a Post-It note. One of those tiny ones.

Hilarious.

In the 1960s, there was Wilt Chamberlain and Guy Rodgers. The next decade, Nate Thurmond and Jeff Mullins took up the torch. And for one brief season a dozen years ago, Chris Webber and Latrell Sprewell lit up the Coliseum Arena. That's about it.

That's about it? That sounds dangerously like "I think that's all but don't really want to do the research, so I'll use this wishy-washy qualifier in case I forgot someone." This lack of research is exhibited by the fact that Thurmond and Mullins started tearing it up together in '68. How about the 1987 run to the Western semis with Joe Barry Carroll and Chris Mullin and/or Sleepy Floyd? Plus, if we're going to include the Webber/Spree year, I might be able to sneak in a bunch more questionable ones. Not only is Webber hardly a big man, Sprewell is definitely not a small man. Ask P.J. Carlesimo. Plus, that team got swept in the first round of the playoffs. I understand that all is relative and this probably still qualifies as "lighting up the Arena" in Warriors-world, but come on.

Diogu didn't start but spent the majority of the game at center against the undersized Suns — who were resting Steve Nash and Raja Bell in preparation for the playoffs — racking up 10 points, a team-high 10 rebounds and a career-high four blocks.

What makes this a good place to mention that Nash and Bell took the night off? Would their frames (6'3, 195 and 6'5, 204 respectively) have really helped out the power game?

However, this is all moot, as Lepper's presence once again inspired the troops to defeat a Western-conference juggernaut. More importantly, the Warriors improve to 2-0 since we created this site. We may have to keep it going next season (assuming Lepper is still employed, of course, which is by no means guaranteed) and watch a run to the conference finals.

Finally, nothing beats inter-blog networking. Shout out to the boys over at Golden State of Mind since one of our readers informed us that they linked us.

Another game tonight! However, it's in Portland, a marathon hour and a half flight away, so Lepper will most likely not be in attendance.

Never has a Game Preview Received So Much Attention!

Today, 7:30 p.m.TV: ESPN

Seriously, how boring is that? Plus, I live on the East Coast, asshole. Game starts at 10:30; get it right.

SUN TO WATCH: Tim Thomas

What do you have against picking a team's superstar in this section? Why the fuck should I not want to watch Steve Nash (in the midst of an MVP race), Shawn Marion (should be in the midst of an MVP race) and/or Amare Stoudemire (could be wearing something snappy on the bench, would love to see if he can rise to Jack Haley levels of towel-waving). How about Boris Diaw? That's been a pretty compelling career turnaround. Ugh, this is getting frustrating, I'll just move on.

Thomas was moved back into the starting lineup against the Kings on Tuesday... [t]he Suns won 123-110 with Tim Thomas posting 13 points, seven rebounds and three steals.

Hey, Geoff, I realize you take a bunch of days off, like when your team travels more than 150 miles. But you do write for an online site; perhaps you should be aware that the Suns played last night. Yeah, I know: crazy, right? They have these things in the NBA called "back-to-backs" now. Well, anyway, Thomas had 22 and 5 in this apparently non-existent game, along with 3 steals.

On a side note, this is what a good NBA article looks like. A theme that is competently tied together and concluded, no outlandish speculation or made up rumors. And on the same website, no less. Geoff, you should definitely get to know this guy if you have yet to do so, suck up your pride, and ask for some writing lessons. I was all set to go on a rant about how since IBA already has this far better writer covering the Warriors, this site shouldn't even have to exist anymore. Then I caught the sentence at the bottom of the page:

Two-time Emmy award-winning Raj Mathai anchors the nightly sportscasts for local NBC affiliate, KNTV-Channel 11. In addition, he hosts the weekly "Sports Sunday" program, which attracts high-profile Bay Area sports figures.

Ouch. Plus, he's Indian...Lepper must be seething.

POST-GAME EDITS:

Steve Nash did not play. So, I would admit that my rant about the "Sun to Watch" section was a little overblown, had Mr. Lepper done his job and reported that Nash would take the night off with a sore hammy. Since he didn't, I take nothing back. Nothing.

In addition, Boris Diaw put up a triple-double, Marion had 31 and 12; Tim Thomas scored 7 points. Guess which Sun I was watching the least?

Geoff Lepper, Renaissance Man

It turns out it's not just sports with this guy. He will fearlessly (and incompetently) take on any topic, including religious conversion. Nothing earth-shattering or interesting in this "article", save for this little piece of camouflaged racism in the form of an attempted joke:

"Now the 6-foot, 3-inch, 245-pound junior is getting into opposing backfields in less time than it takes to spell his new Islamic name: Fahim Mujaahid Abd Allah."

Very witty, Geoff; right up there with a joke about Asian names relating to banging pots and pans. At least Lepper has the decency to refer to the kid as Abd Allah for the remainder of the piece, avoiding a beating like the one Ernie Terrell took from Ali, with Muhammad screaming "what's my name?" the entire time.

However, you will note that only about half of this "article" is available through the link. In addition, the "click here to view full text link" produces this. We can only assume that The Council on American-Islamic Relations is attempting to delete any existence of association with Lepper. CAIR could not be reached for comment (not that we tried).

Is there anything this man can't (fail to) do?

Want to Know an Easy Way to Talk to Basketball Players?

Ask them non-threatening questions about other basketball players. Not only is this a fluff piece in the strongest sense of the term, but am I really supposed to give a shit about who Derek Fisher believes the MVP of the league is? Has the NBA decided to shun 50+ years of tradition and give the vote to the players? Perhaps Lepper was soliciting advice on how to cast his vote.

OK, I'm back from my self-induced laughfest. Seriously, if I found out that Lepper were one of the 127 (as of last year) sportswriters and broadcasters allowed to vote for the MVP, I think I would just have to stop watching sports altogether. And that would suck.

However, all Lepper-bashing aside, here is the real reason I wanted to link this "article": while discussing the plans of assistant coaches Mario Elie and Russell Turner to travel abroad and give hoops clinics in the offseason, this nugget is dropped

"Of note for Warriors fans: the Lithuanian camp will be held at the Sarunas Marciulionis Basketball Academy. "

There's a Sarunas Marciulionis Basketball Academy?!?!?! If I tried to sign up for that camp, do you think they would mind that I'm 23 years old? I LOVE THIS GAME!!!

They Called it Macaroni...

Last night, the Warriors returned home to Oakland Arena. More important than the home court advantage they might gain against the visiting Dallas Mavericks was the fact that Lepper would actually get off his lazy ass to attend the game and then proceed to write words about it. Happy day!

All was well for the Warriors. Inspired by their favorite beat writer's presence, they took it to the Mavericks, owners of the 3rd best record in the NBA. Indeed a "feather in their cap", as our good buddy calls it.

"Chalk it up to another one of those unexplainable mysteries of nature. Whenever the Mavericks line up on the other side of the court, some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic."

I prefer to chalk things up to, you know, things that happen on the court. It's a basketball game, not a bloody solar eclipse. 22 assists on 37 field goals is probably a good place to start, as is +7 on the boards. Or you could read L.Ron Hubbard's views on the matter; whatever. As for the last sentence: imagine I said "that circle is not that circular." Wouldn't you think I was slightly retarded? Yet Lepper thinks he should be paid to write things like "some of the Warriors' glaring problems this season just haven't seemed so problematic." Maybe he meant "evident". Or maybe he was just being ironical.

"That trio [Ike Diogu, Monta Ellis and Jason Richardson] combined to score 24 of the Warriors' 32 points as they pulled away in the fourth quarter, eventually opening up a 17-point lead before coasting home before 17,527 at the Arena and a presumably shocked ESPN audience."

Geoff REALLY wants you to think this game is as important as he does. As I was watching the game on ESPN, I was not shocked. I was actually giddy thinking about Lepper's column the next day and the outlandish shit it would contain. Needless to say, I am not disappointed.

Here's a little story arc for you:

"That was a pivotal outcome (referring to Diogu's offensive performance), because data parsed by 82games.com show that the Warriors are hurt most often by opposing power forwards; on a leaguewide basis, they rank 24th in defending that position. Those numbers won't be helped by Dirk Nowitzki's performance Wednesday: game-high 29 points, 10 rebounds and four assists."

Good, so, since defense wasn't really a factor tonight, you're not going to talk about it, right?

"Before the game, Murphy wouldn't directly address how he thought his defense had been this season but did say that he wasn't satisfied with that area of his game"

Guess I was wrong. However, Murphy must have played solid D at SOME point in the season, right?

"Jason Richardson recalled a February stretch when Murphy held San Antonio's Tim Duncan, Minnesota's Kevin Garnett and Denver's Kenyon Martin to a combined 45 points in three straight games."

See, I knew it; wouldn't expect anything less from that ugly Irish bastard. Now, Geoff, let's tie it all together by telling us how Murphy buckling down on premier power forwards relates to THIS game.

"Wednesday, it soon became clear the perennial All-Star was just too fast on the perimeter. Time and again, Nowitzki beat Murphy with his first step, leading to 15 first-quarter points and an early Dallas lead."

Geoff? Where'd you go, buddy? Remember when we were going to make the article make sense?

"But eventually, Diogu and Murphy made Dallas pay at the other end, shredding the supposedly new-and-improved defense of Nowitzki for a combined 38 points and proving that sometimes, the best defense really is a good offense."

Oh, no Geoff. Not only did you fail to reveal any purpose for discussing Murphy's D or that little 3-game stretch anecdote, you decided to attempt to redeem yourself with a horrible, horrible cliche.

"'There's not many teams you can't beat, if you have that type of presence in the frontcourt.'
Maybe even some of the ones that aren't from Dallas. "

Speaking of cliches, you know that one about making a good first impression? It's bullshit; it is infinitely more important to leave on a good note. Perhaps Lepper should think about that while drafting his incredibly awkward and vomit-inducing one line conclusions.

What is Worse than Writing for an Obscure Sports Website?

You guessed it: not being the only person/source the site relies upon for news you are supposed to be responsible for (http://www.insidebayarea.com/warriors/ci_3701571). Where in the fuck was Lepper last night that he could not make the 350 mile trek to La-La land to, you know, do his job? I like to imagine that anywhere between 50-70 percent of the time, Geoff hands in an "article" about the latest game and his editors sit down for about 15 minutes and read his piece and the AP's write-up, ultimately selecting the Associated Press' account of the game. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy about publishers' ability to recognize actual talent.

So, in the end, which is worse? Having your story space usurped by some fucking cunt from the AP or realizing that she did a better job than you ever could? I'll let you decide.

Opening Statements

We all know that there is a basketball team based out of Oakland. They are called the "Golden State Warriors". We also know that there is a beat writer that covers this team named Geoff Lepper. What, you didn't know that? Oh, that's because he's so irrelevant, he should be referred to as "the Tampa Bay Devil Rays of sports journalism." If you have any respect for basketball and/or the english language, I urge you to refrain from reading this man's "articles." Hence, the stated purpose of this site: to force this scourge upon our computer screens from the industry. Ever heard of "Inside Bay Area"? Me neither, until about two weeks ago...apparently they employ two dozen monkeys (and Mr. Lepper) to update the eager public about the goings-on in the Oakland/San Francisco area. So, basically, working for this site is the equivalent of me writing about sports on myspace.com, except the gig comes with a press pass. From this point forward, no erroneous statements or awkward sentences will be published by this man without strict scrutiny from the crack staff we have assembled here. Hence, I give you: firegeofflepper.blogspot.com.

Sam